he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
