I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I want her autograph on my taint
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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