I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
