I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
