Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
