pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
