What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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