This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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