handjob tips. give me some.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
