my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
