im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
