he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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