Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize