what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
