would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
