I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I believe in your delicious
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
