I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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