she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
