We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
