she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
