You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
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