Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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