he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
We're too hungover to prance.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize