is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
