i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
