I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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