He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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