Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
