I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
