if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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