How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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