I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
