just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize
