I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
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