You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
