I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
