The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
