I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
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