I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
