He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
