i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
