Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
