cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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