before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
