i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize