call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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