Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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