every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
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