i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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