Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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