i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
