I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
