Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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