If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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