and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
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