So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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