it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
