craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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