I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
