none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
