She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
