can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
