this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Randomize
