i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
