3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
