i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Randomize
